Imposter Syndrome

I have decided to do a blog on Imposter Syndrome for you all, it is something I have had to do a bit more research into as my knowledge of it was minimal. I had heard people talk about it, I understood the very basics of “you don’t feel good enough” and I have known people attribute it as a reason for them not achieving or being held back at work or in their lives. I am all about helping people reach their potential, be the best they can be and building people up rather than holding them back, so this has been a long time coming and I have to say I have found it not only very interesting, but it has allowed me to reflect on my own life and how I have at times had Imposter Syndrome.

I was networking with the Ribbons Network last week and we were split into two groups. We were then asked to share, if willing, our fears that are holding us back in business, and then the group would give feedback from their own experiences and offer advice and accountability. What amazed me was most “fears” put forward, including by myself were influenced by the individuals Imposter Syndrome. So, I ask you, have you ever doubted yourself or your abilities? Felt like a fraud or that you are not good enough and are worried someone will call you out? These characteristics are more common than you might think, in fact, they are very common indeed. It is estimated that between 70% and 84% of people will at some point experience Imposter Syndrome and it affects both men and women, although it seems in my experience that women are more likely to be open about it. I know there have been situations in my life where I have experienced it too, in the past having a fear of any type of failure.

Imposter Syndrome affects us by making us doubt our accomplishments, feeling that we are not good enough and we will somehow be found out or exposed as a fraud. This can make us feel inadequate, develop low self-confidence and make us assign our achievements to luck or being in the right place at the right time rather than our hard work and ability, despite the fact we are good enough and there is plenty of evidence to prove that. Imposter Syndrome can affect anyone in any situation and unfortunately it can hold us back from reaching our potential.

What causes us to experience Imposter Syndrome? Well, there are a few factors, these include:

• Competitive environments – If you are surrounded by competitive people who are high achievers this can make you feel inadequate and like you are not good enough to compete with them.

• Being a perfectionist – This is because being a perfectionist increases the pressure we put on ourselves to complete a task perfectly, and if it is not done so then it can be seen as a failure.

• Pressure to succeed – The pressure to be a success in today’s world is like never before. With social media influencers displaying their “perfect lives” to the world, celebrities splashing the cash very publicly to stay relevant and in the public eye and our own standards and expectations we put on ourselves to achieve the life we desire can play into the hands of Imposter Syndrome.

• Our childhoods – Our upbringing can be a major factor in whether we will suffer with Imposter Syndrome later in life or not. If there is a lot of pressure put on children for academic achievement then this can apply pressure to succeed and make failure the ultimate sin, rather than a learning tool for progression. This can lead to the need to avoid failure personality trait (see my earlier blog on NACH and NAF). Inconsistent praise and being hyper critical of our children and their achievements can also be a factor, as this can be confusing and give them a sense of not being good enough. Growing up in a highly competitive family dynamic can also contribute to Imposter Syndromes development, especially if you have high achieving siblings or are always being set up to lose.

People who are suffering with Imposter Syndrome quite often will have self-doubt, have a fear of being exposed, play down their achievements, be perfectionists and very sensitive to criticism and quite often they will either be overworking or procrastinating (due to wanting to avoid failure or just trying to avoid the task at hand completely). It can be situational as well, it does not mean that if you have Imposter Syndrome it will take over your entire life, it can simply be that you suffer with it in certain situations, but in other aspects of your life you are the boss. Some of the most confident, successful high achieving people you know I can guarantee will at some point or another have suffered with it, but you don’t have to accept it, and you can do something about it.

What can you do to help reduce or remove Imposter Syndrome? Acknowledge it firstly, know what it is and why you have it, have that understanding because knowledge is power. Talk about it too, speak to the people you trust, the people you know who will support you, want the best for you and who will not be judgemental. What you may find is that these people may have had similar experiences and can relate, but also, they will see you for you and be able to big up your achievements and hopefully dare I say, talk a bit of sense about the situation. A prime example I can give here was when I was younger, I had a massive fear of failure, especially when it came to exams. I would even have panic attacks at times because I would get so worked up about failure. If someone had just said to me at the time “What’s the worst that can happen? If you fail, find out what area you need to improve on, study and then you can retake” I would probably have been ok, in fact, this is the advice I gave to one of my younger clients who was going through a similar process a few years ago when taking their A levels and it really helped him.

Reflection is important, this is an area that has helped me with my own Imposter Syndrome. Whether it is that fear of failure or not feeling good enough in certain situations, reflecting on the reality of “why” and putting things into context can be a real game changer. If you reflect on your feelings, experiences and achievements you may well start to realise you are good enough, you are where you are on merit, not luck and be able to kick out those feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Through reflection you may even start to see a pattern in the situations where you have Imposter Syndrome, and you can then focus on that part of your life. As I’ve mentioned already, I had a fear of failure when I was younger, I now see it as a learning opportunity most of the time. I still would say failure in certain aspects like not being able to provide for my family are my biggest fears, but that is also what drives me on and motivates me.

Challenge your negative thoughts. You are allowed to challenge them you know! Too many of us give in to that negative voice that tells us we are not good enough or we can’t do something without a single protest, but why? Why are we not good enough and who says we can’t do something. I for one believe we can achieve anything we put our minds to. If that negative voice is holding you back then challenge it, ask it why? Or simply tell it to go away. You can give it a silly voice, so it’s hard to take seriously, or another trick I have learnt along the way is simply to give it a name and have a conversation which you are in control of with it. Mine was called Paul and I would simply say “Paul, you are not needed right now, but we will discuss this later when I am ready”, then later when I was ready, I would reflect on the situation on my terms and rationally.

Give yourself credit where credit is due, we are not all very good at this one, partly because of society and how achievement is sometimes portrayed in a negative way. A prime example here was when I was at school some bright spark decided that there should not be winners and losers in sports, so sports day and PE lessons were adjusted, and it was all about the taking part. As you can probably tell I was and still am not an advocate of this approach as it takes away the need to achieve and plays right into that fear to avoid failure mentality. If you do well at something, whether it is academical, physical, relationship or career based then you should be proud of your achievements and give yourself the credit you deserve. Reward is what drives most of us on and motivates us. Track your achievements and positive feedback from peers, clients, family, friends, competitors etc, this can help you feel less like a fraud and more like the amazing person you are.

Another factor to consider in dealing with imposter Syndrome is to look at your progress, rather than focusing on perfection. It was one of the first conversations I ever had with Giulia (A business coach I know who specialises in organising and systems) that helped me to realise this one for my own development. I was turning my 8-week health and wellbeing programme “My Weigh” into an online course from an in-person class and I was waiting to complete its development before I launched it. I had completed 6 of the 8 weeks of digital content and was behind on its launch date. Giulia then said to me, why don’t you just launch, and then complete the rest of the course after? If someone was to sign up today, you would still have 6 weeks to complete the last 2 weeks content. It made so much sense hearing that from someone else, but my brain would never have thought that way on its own. As they say, good and done is better than perfect and none. So set yourself realistic goals, allow yourself to make the odd mistake (it will happen) and learn from failure, and focus on your progress, this is how we grow and learn.

Imposter Syndrome, it’s more common than you think, but it doesn’t have to be the debilitating factor in your life that holds you back. Once you acknowledge you have Imposter Syndrome, you can start to focus on your own self development and conquering that little, insignificant, negative voice that doesn’t believe in you and your achievements, and you can start to realise your true potential by taking control and believing in yourself. We can achieve great things in life if we put our minds to it, we are allowed to give ourselves credit for our achievements and big ourselves up, why not? You only get one shot at life, so enjoy it, be the best person you can be and embrace your achievements, we should never allow that little negative voice to dictate who we are or what we are capable of. I hope you have enjoyed this read and if you are someone who suffers with Imposter Syndrome, I hope this blog has helped in one way or another.